Canned People

Every morning, I watch all these people unconciously approach the processing plants of local train stations scattered throughout the Chicago suburbs to board their own personal tin can. The doors seal up, and we all collectively await delivery to our respective owners.

The doors open with a pop, and we all pour out to our day.

What if Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness was one disc...

So I was watching the Best of Pumpkins Video collection over the weekend and got stuck thoroughly enjoying it. The Pumpkins have always been a band that was taken for granted for me. I mean I have always been a huge fan, but since I assumed that it was a great album, I wouldn't take the time to enjoy it.

Anyways, I was thinking about the vastness of Mellon Collie... and how it was great, amongst the...well filler isn't the right word, but it's the only one that comes to mind. Here's the track listing:

Disc one: Dawn to Dusk
Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness
Tonight, Tonight
Jellybelly
Zero
Here Is No Why
Bullet with Butterfly Wings
To Forgive
Fuck You (An Ode to No One)
Love
Cupid de Locke
Galapogos
Muzzle
Porcelina of the Vast Oceans
Take Me Down

Disc two: Twilight to Starlight
Where Boys Fear to Tread
Bodies
Thirty-Three
In the Arms of Sleep
1979
Tales of a Scorched Earth
Thru the Eyes of Ruby
Stumbleine
X.Y.U.
We Only Come Out at Night
Beautiful
Lily (My One and Only)
By Starlight
Farewell and Goodnight

Whew...that's a load, and it extends to so many different sounds. Remember, this is the direct full release following the explosion that was Siamese Dream, so they probably could have released Billy Corgan doing the "Luke, I am your father" into a fan for 8 tracks and it would have been a success, especially with the steller-ness of Bullet with Butterfly Wings.

So what if it was just one album? Say 13 tracks? I think it makes my top ten by a hair, but it would surely be a top five without all 28 tangents. Plus, that would leave 15 tracks to work on to make a stronger Mellon Collie... follow up in Adore, which doesn't move me like I had hoped it would. It may have also prolonged the magic for the Pumpkins. The undertaking of a 28 track album and subsequential promotion/touring and the unyielding ambition of Billy had to greatly tire the band.

Anyways, here is the album I would make...

Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness

Tonight, Tonight

Fuck You (An Ode to No One)

Love

Cupid de Locke

Bullet with Butterfly Wings

Galapogos

Muzzle

Porcelina of the Vast Oceans

Thirty-Three

1979

Stumbleine

Farewell and Goodnight

Yes, I left off Zero. Great song, but I never felt like it fit the Mellon Collie... vibe, especially with the superior An Ode to No One already on the disc taking the spot of the dark, harder track. Zero would be a great lead single for any album, and probably would have given Adore a nice boast for a single.

Other then that, I would have played this one-disc'er on repeat obsessively and not feel like I needed to switch to disc two and stumble through some of the more cumbersome tracks. This album would easily be remembered as a legendary, decade defining rock record, possibly displacing Siamese Dream to a second place on the Smashing Pumpkins best of list.

Anyways, it was just a what-if that coulda-been...

Running Free

This is it. The week of. T-Minus 3 days and 15 hours...

All the energy, time, pain, commitment, socks, shoes, pain, miles, pain and pain lead up to this Sunday at 8 AM. I feel good...there are a couple of butterflies developing, and I suspect their existence will sustain for the weekend.

Looking forward, everything is hard to recognize, but looking back, I see the piles of everything I have put into this. This is not going to be painless, but I know that.

I have some great achievements to be proud of already. I have ran further then I have ever ran on 4 different occasions. I weigh less then I have weighed since my sophomore year of college. I am eating better then ever. I set myself a goal and I am on the verge of completing it.

Thanks goes to everyone for anything that you have done. Your mind is a tricky thing, and sometimes it just needs to hear some words of encouragement to get through a couple of miles. Also, thanks to anyone who donated to the Children's Memorial Hospital (see link in below blog).

I might or might not write one more time. Probably a panicky one on Saturday. My goal for the weekend is to be peaceful and stress free. And eat a lot.

Let me know if you are going to be watching the marathon so I can look for you.

Much love and respect to anyone who sets their mind on something and reaches it.

"Surface To Air"

So it's something like 10 days away, but who's counting anyways...

I ran 18 miles last Saturday at a 9:30 pace and felt real good. I ran with some friends for the first time and it made a HUGE difference, so I am feeling pretty confident about not dying for the marathon. 18 was the longest I had ever run.

So now is the tapering period, were you get your body feeling better from all the punishment, and thats what I am doing. I am icing knees almost every day, stretching and spending time in the hot tub and eating good. I am cutting weight a little, still want to lose about 5 more lbs. and I think I can.

Everyone has been so giving to the Children's Memorial Hospital. I have passed my goal and went over $1,000 and am still pushing, so please give here: Tim's Marathon Donation

The next time I post, I will include all sorts of details about the race. I am actually getting excited.

"Underneath this smiles lies everything. All my hopes and anger, pride and shame."

You know the feeling of hearing the clicking on the way up a roller coaster? The anxiety that slowly builds, either excitement or fear? Knowing that you are to go down, but it just seems like its taking forever? Your stomach naturally preparing itself for the drop to follow? Click...click...click...click...click...knowing the rapid decline will follow...

That's how I have been feeling for the past months. I have felt like there is nothing I can do about October 7. I can't create more time between now and then and I can't substitute what I didn't do in the past with anything I can do in the present or future.

This is neither good nor bad, but it has taught me a valuable lesson. That there is no better time to accomplish or work towards accomplishment then now.

Back on Earth...training is going well. I have one more long run this weekend (18 miles!!!) and then I taper down and restore the aches and pains to a more natural feeling.

It's pretty amazing in hindsight. I ran 15 miles two weeks ago and felt great. It's easy to downplay 15 miles in comparison to 26(.2), but it made me feel good. Two years ago, I was straight up frightened to run a measly 8K (5 miles). I was so worked up and thought I was gonna die. Now I feel like getting all suited up and only running 5 is a waste of my time. This isn't a bragging point, but more of a statement that I worked towards something and have seen real, tangible results. It's encouraging. It would have been real easy, and natural, to get freaked out about 26 miles in May and paralyze myself with what I couldn't do, but when I broke it down, I am almost ready, and I am excited.

However, I cannot wait to be done.

By the way, all the titles of the blog entries are lines from songs.

We All Walk The Long Road...

T-Minus one month. Deep breathe.

I am running 12s and ups now. I am only running 2-3 times a week, buts its by design (kinda). I have discovered that my body is not optimal for this amount of mileage, or maybe it is, minus 20 pounds. Either way, I am down to around 225 and it's just not cracking. I have stopped drinking and my diet is good. I am by no means doing everything, but I am telling you that it is still difficult to maintain this level. It's just so easy to scarf down a plate of nachos and drink a couple beers, but I can't do it.

I ran 13 last weekend, going to run 15 tomorrow and 18 the next weekend. After that I am supposed to ween down my running, but I want another long run.

There are so many parts of the long running that is testing...
1. It's f'n time consuming. I need to plan to take at least 2 hours for them.
2. Energy planning is tough. I need to eat something before the run and be well hydrated, but I don't want to go number 2 in the middle of the run. Plus I need to plan the run along water fountains and I need to take Goo Packs, which are pretty much gross.
3. My system gets all jarred up on the long ones.
4. It can be boring. It's like you run by something and then run 3 more miles and then you pass it again...my mind is just like "this, again?!?!"
5. I have a nagging IT band issue. Its a tendon that runs from your hip to your knee. During the run, it feels like someone is stretching it apart.
6. For about 2 days after the run, I can't walk. I literally can not walk down stairs normally. I have to walk down backwards.

I am not bitching. I knew this was going to suck. I am just sharing and venting.
Honestly, I cannot wait to cross the finish line. The time went so fast, yet now each run is such a commitment for me. It's like looking at your study guide for a class an looking when the final exam is and thinking that it's so far away and before you know it, it's here.

Deep breathe. Don't panic. I just gotta keep my head down and walk the long road.

Veni, Vidi, Vici

If there was a word that accurately described a deer's eyes in headlights, I would use that word here. I am less then two months away. I am feeling good, but i have yet to run anything longer then 10, but mainly because of lack of time then anything else. My summer of traveling is over and my alcohol intake is about done too. My body feels good, its time to just go.

The weather is great too. I bought some new shoes and it's amazing how much you obsess about them knowing that you will be running 26.2 miles in them. I am learning about all of the greater details of a marathon, like pooping and peeing, body glide, nipple guards, imodium and packing your body with as much energy it can handle.

I keep on hearing about "race day adrenalin" and I think I am underestimating it, but I won't know that until afterwards I suppose. I haven't been running the Lakeview Path, which has been sucking.

So, basically, I am finished with negative thoughts, no matter what I feel. I am just going to bury all doubt and drive ahead.

Oh yeah, the donations are rolling in, so thanks to everyone who has helped.